shameless plug... and making up for being MIA blogger

Greetings, miss Evelyn is up to 3lb3oz... doing awesome and its looking more and more likely that we will be seeing her in an open air incubator sooner than later. When? Not sure just yet...but she is doing awesomely. I would like to take this opportunity to plug the March of Dimes walk here in St Louis and the fact that we are putting a team together in her honor. However given the fact that the walk is next weekend we are unsure if we will be able to raise any to donate in her honor... but I did manage to raise $500 in 2 weeks for Relay for Life with Madeline last year, and we have 9 days so lets see what we can do. Here is the link, I am not going to do anything like beg you to do your thing, just take a look at it, understand what the organization does and if you feel inclined we would love you to donate with her in mind. Otherwise, Evelyn looks and acts like every 6 week old I have ever been around, just 1/3rd the size. She grabbed my nose at one point today and was just amazed at the noise I made at her. Well, I will try to update this regularly, keep her in your mind on a daily basis please...

Love you Evelyn.



http://www.marchforbabies.org/s_team_page.asp?seid=1659595

Week 3

Evelyn is officially 3 weeks old as of 3 hours from now... my how she has progressed. She looks at us regularly when we talk to her, she cries (pretty loud too) when she is upset or doesn't want to be fussed with. She spent nearly 5 hours out of the incubator on Friday chilling with mom and dad both. Finally over 2lbs, finally off the constant IVs that had sustained nutrition and medication until she was developed to the point of being able to get what she needs from breast milk. It is currently fortified with formula and she is getting about 150ml of that mixture per day (5oz) and digesting almost all of it. She has poopy diapers, she has tantrums...she loves when her daddy talks to her, she loves when her mommy holds her close. I guess what I am trying to convey here today is- she is a normal 3 week old... just in a tiny package. I sat with her today and rubbed her back and talked to her for nearly 3 hours, just her and I sitting in the room chatting...it is something I do with her big sister regularly, to find out how her day or week has gone, and as Evelyn's dad I want to know how her day and weeks are going... sure I can ask the nurse and she will tell me, but without saying a thing, I know from her how she's doing- great. I'd like to welcome all those that are friends and family of each of us to come and visit her now that she's more acclimated... however her mother and I have agreed upon some rules that we'd like you to stick to (some of which are the rules of the NICU, some of which are just us protecting our tiny little friend):

-health updates are to only be received from the nursing staff by Laura and I... just a matter of us being the ones that are in the 'need to know everything' category and everyone else being in the 'we will share what is appropriate' category.

-washing your hands for 2 minutes is not an option, its the law when you arrive. Alcohol foam is used for all entrance/exits after initial scrubbing.

-If your security tag does not say 'parent/guardian' DO NOT open the incubator. The 2 of us are just now comfortable with the idea that we are able to reach in and touch her, not quite to the point of being okay with others just yet.

-big one here... if you are coming up, make sure either Laura or myself are aware you are stopping by. Wanna see a cranky momma- be the reason she drove from Fenton and can't get back to see her baby girl and has no clue who is back there... ever seen the horn on my forehead- make me wait to see my tiny little lady. We love that everyone wants to see her, but the point here is that with the 2 person at a time max, we need to know who is there.

-2 people at a time at her bed side, period. The only SLIGHT exception is if Madeline is back there with both of us. This is not arbitrary.

Otherwise (and yes I am very aware I sound like the big bad wolf on these) we would love for you to visit and enjoy this little miracle that has graced us so soon.

Good night to my beautiful little princess... daddy will see you later this evening (since its after midnight).
love you Evelyn
Tim

Evelyn is 2...weeks today

Happy 2nd week birthday Evelyn. You have celebrated your first 2 weeks with a great deal of ups and a few downs. Sure you have had the occasional apnea episode, you do startle your mother and I by having the occasional O2 drop and the sometimes lagging heart rate, but overall you are strong and doing better daily. You have topped your original birth weight and are getting more and more active every time we are around you. You got to spend time with your big sister and I am pretty sure that was love at first sight. Feedings are going great and Evelyn is almost ready to come off the IV feedings and focus strictly on breast milk which is just another milestone as we progress towards the goal of her coming home. As the days get longer and we move through spring, you will have more time out of your incubator and in our arms... it really is the best feeling seeing her look up whether her eyes are open or not when she is being held. I am still nervous when I am holding her, but it is more in a 'oh dear I am a new parent" sense than in being afraid of the fragility of her condition. Sure she is my second child, but its been 7 1/2 years since Madeline was a newborn so it is just like I am doing it for the first time.

Well, that is all for today, just wanted to thank those that are still reading, I promise I will do a better job starting this week. Last week was big sister week for spring break. Back into a normal routine (well as normal as I can ever be).

good night Evelyn
Love you
Daddy.

Wednesday-Mid week update

I guess I should have said this in the original few blogs, but since I am back to work, especially this week with it being big sister's spring break week, blogging is about 19th on my priority list. However Miss Evelyn has had a great week and has had a good chance to bond with mommy while dad has been busy working. Today was a very big day for her- #1 she is back to 800gm for the 1st time since she greeted us at 840gm last week... what does this mean? She is starting to climb up in weight and that is an awesome thing when put into prospective of the fact that no matter how well she is doing overall, she won't come home under 2lbs. #2 Big Sister Madeline got to meet her face to face for the first time...and it may have been love at first site. #3 It was daddy's night to hold her kangaroo style... and that may be the best feeling of all. As for her week to this point, she has surpassed the 1 week mark and is doing quite well. I am getting more and more hope daily as she only has minor set backs if any with her breathing (keeping in mind of course that she has 28 week lungs, not 40 week lungs...they aren't always working at top levels). Speaking of her breathing, she was converted on Sunday from the CPAP to just high pressure air which is great progress. She also is getting breast milk regularly in 3 hour intervals (I'd say how much, but it may go up again by time I finish writing). This is something that is important to both Laura and I because of the immunities that breastfeeding can help develop for baby girl and once she does come home the increased bond that it will create for mom and baby. We know and are realistic about the challenges of a 27week preemie, we know that she is tiny right now and every day brings new challenges, but every day also brings new progress and hope. She has had her eyes open a ton this week, Laura has gotten a large number of photos and when the time is right we will share a number of them with everyone. For now though, know that she is a tough cookie, she has pretty blue eyes and her daddy's wrinkly forehead, her mommy's toes and the trademark Tim Stewart hands. We hear every day from a member of the NICU staff that she has so much character, and can you blame her... look at her parents and its hard not to.

good night Evelyn, Mommy and Daddy and big Sister love you.

Tim

Sunday-funday

Little Evelyn is snoozing away all bundled. Today was great so far. She got to meet her Aunt Patti and her Uncle Dan's family. Statistically she is starting to show the progress we want to see. She for the 2nd day in a row gained 50grams of weight and is now right around her birth weight. She's also showing more alertness and those strong personality traits she garnered from both ends of the gene pool. Saturday I got to change her tiny diaper and I have to say no matter the size, no kid enjoys diaper time. It was cute as she pushed off away from me but reassuring that she is just like other babies...even if she is 1/4 the size. Her nursing staff every day tells us she has so much character and that despite micro preemie status she is showing great overall development. There will be hurdles, there will be setbacks and I think she has the right set of parents to handle them as she grows. Next week (or this week depending on how you start your calendar) is big sister week in more ways than one. I will likely introduce the dynamic twosome some time later in the week, but I also have Madeline all week, so it will be more about making sure big sister knows she's just as important. Thank you to everyone for reading about her journey to this point and the continued support for all 3 of us. It's been a fun first week... Just thinking about the fact that 168 hours ago we were debating doing what we could to delay her to Wednesday to develop more. So glad I've bonded so much with her already.

love you
Tim

it gets a little tougher now

With the discharge of Evelyn's mom and my return to work, today was the start of the tougher part of her time at the hospital. Sure we still have 24hr a day access as her parents, and trust me, if not for the necessity known as a paycheck and showering I would be there constantly as would her mother. However the reality is that we both have to get back into a routine. First note for today, mom was released from Barnes on Friday which is a big step. Blood pressure will probably still be an issue for a while and it will contribute to the debilitating migraines that she has dealt with recently, but she is home for a little recovery time. We did get some good news regarding her leave from work as well and she was up moving around more today. On to Evelyn, she gained about 40 grams in the last 24 hours so we are starting to see a bit of a bounce back. She only had 1 episode today until they switched her to the nasal prongs which seem to cause her to have a little more trouble. I got to hold her for an extended period on Friday evening and it was one of the most amazing things to date... to think that she is smaller than the soda I drink almost daily, and she is a person. She has a ton of personality. Nuzzled up into my chest and was making very cute little noises during that time... but was also so relaxed and at ease that she decided it was nap time, which contributes slightly to the apnea bouts she has and was a little unnerving but it was still a great time. I am amazed daily by this little champ and hope that we continue to have days like yesterday even if it means less Cardinals baseball for dad. The best part of the day was her looking up at me at one point with her bright blue eyes and then putting her head down again... that moment reminded me of how great it is to be a dad. Little girls are the best, those that have seen the picture know shes already got daddy's finger, even if her tiny hand can barely reach around it.

Love you Evelyn.

Tim

Friday- mommy's scheduled discharge.

Today is the goal day for mom to go home... however we are having some slight issues that may be hindering that a bit. Mom is having a migraine issue blended in with the already present blood pressure issue. Otherwise Evelyn is doing pretty well today. She was given an NSAID to help with a slight issue related to being a preemie that likely has something to do with the bradychardia and apnea issues. Hoping for her sake that we start rebounding weight wise as she is now down a total of 140 grams (weight at birth was 840) which is a higher percentage but normal. The nursing and support staff to this point have been amazing to us. Right down to calling us a couple of times at night during shift changes to keep us informed of the little things with our little girl. We are realistic now more than ever about the fact that after today we won't be here 24/7 and that these folks are going to be our conduit of information and will go far beyond the call of duty to keep us up to date. We will have a dedicated line phone number for parents and a 4 digit code so we can call for information at anytime, or even to just talk to her nurse on duty about her day. Does it replace us being here at her bedside? Absolutely not, and those close to both of us know that we will be here likely more than any estimate I could give. Overall she has had a very good 36 hours after a rough 3-4 the other night... I will take those odds and differentials. The most painful part of today is that we know that we have a 4 day old... normally at this point we would be preparing for a life at home with her, and we know she isn't coming with us today. Were we prepared for her to come home... no, but it is still not the way you want to leave. I have a feeling it will be a long and quiet car ride, followed by a likely return trip much earlier than planned.

We both want to thank everyone who has come by and sent well wishes for all 3 of us. It has been very nice to see that so many people care about our tiny little person. I did post 1 picture of her to both of our Facebook pages so she could wave hi to everyone and thank them personally. I am sure that we will continue to post them periodically to show her progress but, especially considering the number of monitors attached to her, we will likely limit that type of access other than for family.

Love you Evelyn, your big sister says hi on her way to Tennessee.

Tim

What's Evelyn doing today?

Duh, winning! Alright sorry for the Charlie Sheen comment. But really she did do some pretty great things today. A few highlights of an 'up' day, which after a bit of a down day was nice to have:

-getting to have an extended visit with Evelyn.
-being with her and holding her during her ultrasound.
-knowing that she lost only a tiny amount of weight
-hearing from a couple of people that I personally know that have been here and done this.
-actually being encouraged by the staff at the hospital to reach in and bond with her while she is in her incubator.

but best of all, and in the truest since of a photo says it all, Evelyn grabbing hold of my right pinkie finger... every little kid will do it at some point, but to be that tiny and still have an ability to grip is great.

Tomorrow will be a big and moment filled day. Evelyn will meet her Grandpa Rick for the first time. Ricky gets to see his mother, only to find out that she has a new love of her life. I have to go to bed knowing that I am going to work in the morning...so no late night visit of my baby doll. Time for some rest, good night and here's to another day of good tears and big smiles (and a drool spot or two).

Love you Evelyn.
Daddy.

day 3, a tiny dose of reality

So day 3 is upon us... going by the internal clock I had set, she has roughly 3 months to go before she even gets here, but alas she is here. I felt a lot of joy and angst going into today as it was and I can't help but feel the same way as i close my day. In one sense, we had an awesome day yesterday overall with Evelyn with holding her and getting to spend real quality time. On the opposite end of the spectrum there is still that lingering fear that at her size every ounce of weight loss, hell every gram of weight loss is unnerving. I know babies lose weight, I have a Madeline and I remember her tumbling into the high 5 low 6 lb range for a couple of weeks. But when seeing a 13% weight drop through day 3 was rough with Evelyn. She is fragile, we know that, we know to take the good days and bad days on an even keel and have given each other those exact words of advice. But just like anything else, it is easy to do it from the side line, it is totally different when it is your baby girl. I honestly feel helpless and inspired all at once when I sit with her... I cannot help it. They say preeclampsia just sorta happens... they say bradycardia is normal as is apnea in a super preemie, but nothing they can tell you prepares you for seeing it. She's my baby and I will not go any further than to say I was more scared today than I have been in my life of anything including my own mortality. Helpless is all you can say. We love her, we are fighting right along with her, we know she's where she should be right now...but it was hard today. With each bad day will come a good day...I hate writing negatives so tomorrow has to go better.

Love you Evelyn.

recap of day 2

Evelyn had today what is best described as a pretty typical and overall uneventful second full day. Fewer guests overall, but both mom and baby had a fair share. Including seeing each other for the first time since Evelyn and I made our trek to Children's at 352am on Monday. The nursing and medical staff that have worked with her to this point have been amazing. I could take the time and thank every person who has touched our lives, touched her little life and made us feel comfortable but I'd likely miss someone and I personally would be upset that I excluded them. What I can say is that even staff members in different areas of the hospital already know my name and what I can share about my little girl in general passing whether it is when I sneak over at midnight or am standing at security to get Laura's badge. She's special and if I can tell everyone in the building every detail right down to a doctor explaining to follow the black smudge on the floor all the way to where it meets the carpet...clear across the campus of Barnes into Children's then I will.
Important details for today:

Evelyn officially has a birth certificate filed... weird that you still have to do it the old fashioned way.

Don't believe in the power of a parent/child bond making them both feel better- Laura was not able to produce a drop of breast milk until she held Evelyn... I am proud to say I personally transported the first of it to her bedside at 1140pm.

Still unsure- Evelyn's heart rate and breathing rates (both so vital at this tiny age) both were at there best when she was with her mommy and daddy.

She is still breathing with only the help of a CPAP. That means those tiny little lungs are doing the job they need to do.

She made little squeaks and almost sighs while we were with her and holding her closely...she remembered us and was not angry about birth... see c-section really is the way to go :).

When dad walks into her room and says 'hi, hows my little lady' either one of her legs or her arms is almost immediately moving. I never really thought a baby recognized their fathers voice as much as people claimed, until I noticed there is substantial movement when I come into her room. Just proof she knows the parent to soften up first (haha).

She did lose a little less than 2oz since birth in weight...those with babies born full term that would be like you finding out your 8lber lost 8oz; so while normal to lose a little in the first hours it was tough to take.


Couple of other things on the day that stood out:

Evelyn's mom needs to stay in everyone's thoughts while struggling to keep get her stats back to normal after preeclampsia. Sure birth is the cure...but we only had 840 grams of cure and we might have needed 1600-2000 (Evelyns weight...yes I am a calculations nerd)

Those concerned with dear old dad- The current author of this note did in fact get 6 full hours last night and will get 6-8 more tonite. I will sleep while I can, but not until I make sure Evelyn, Laura and lets not forget big sister Madeline are all taken care of for the night.

Madeline is excited to let everyone (and apparently I mean everyone judging on the conversations she has with me) know about her tiny new sister. She is a great kid and will be an amazing big sister.

Good night for now.
Love you Evelyn

Tim

what a wonderful surprise

Babies do not care what you have planned for them... they really do not. Think about it, you want to wait til you are done with college, babies get conceived when you are bored on a highschool snow day. You want one close after your wedding? You get to 40 and nothin... you are in about to hit that awesome cruise control known as 3rd trimester? Not so fast, I am here today on the first day of it. So, my beautiful baby girl decided that today is the day... 3/7/2011. I am terrified, no sugar can coat that one. I have a hand that measures 9.85" tip to tip... I currently have a baby girl that measures 13.5". Something happens when you touch your baby's face and tell them you love them and mean it though... it makes you feel at ease with the fact that you were not in the spot you thought you would be in when they got here. What does that even mean though... it means that even though she's in the 15th percentiles, for that gestational age, even though she weighs less than a large meat lovers from Pizza Hut, she still has a fighting chance... I love her and will take her with me everywhere... even though I have to leave her here for a lot longer than I'd like. She will visit this building in the future and will feel the way I do when I visit it... its the reason she is here still, it is the reason she must push on and beat those damned odds... I love both of my daughters more than I love this building, even though I know I would have neither if not for it.
I love Evelyn, Madeline and Children's Hospital and staff... most importantly I love that I can love them all

Evelyn Claire Stewart

From Facebook 3/7/2011 @4pm:

quick 4pm update before they do some med rounds and fill me in for later:

Evelyn is here, shes a force to be reckoned with and will be kicking toddlers around at a playground near you soon. Oxygen stats, Heartrate, BP and color/reflexes are all fantastic. She is going to be here for a pretty long time and out of respect to her momma, myself and most importantly her, I will not be posting her picture until we are all 3 formally introduced (momma only saw her for a second before we came to childrens). Additionally those of you that do know us well enough to come up to see her, I'd like to hold off a bit until mid/late week at least and then not without a quick check in with one of us. Tiny babies need lots of space. Thanks again for all the kind words and happy thoughts today.

a little introduction

Greetings all. We have decided that a good way to keep everyone up to date on the day to day, hour to hour changes and challenges of having a 92 day early baby. I will give some details, I will when the time is right even put a few pictures on here for those that have requested to see her. First and foremost I will be respecting the privacy of my daughter, her older sister, her mother and myself though. So the basic info on the new little lady in my life:
Evelyn Claire was born 13 weeks premature on March 7th... it was a whole lot cooler outside yesterday than it should have been when she got here.
1lb13oz
13.5"


To give a little prospective on her size- I have long arms for my frame (ha, oddly so does she) and she is less than the length of my forearm area. However, she's a tough little cookie and this is going to make her personality that much tougher. I posted a short note to facebook yesterday that will serve as a 2nd entry here and will try to keep this as up to date as possible without cluttering up with my mindless babble. Thanks for reading, keep her in your thoughts and prayers...visitation is appreciated but please be respectful to her little body and try to let her rest (and make sure we are aware you are coming please).

Tim